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Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...(Eph 5:25)

Gave himself to die to redeem it.  The meaning here is, that husbands are to imitate the Redeemer in this respect.  As he gave himself to suffer on the cross to save the church, so we are to be willing to deny ourselves,  and to bear toil land trial, that we may promote the happiness of the wife.  It is the duty of the husband to toil for her support; to provide for her needs; to deny himself of rest and ease, if necessary, in order to attend on her in sickness to go before her in danger; to defender if she is in peril; and to be ready to die to save her.  Why should he not be?  If they  are shipwrecked, and there is a single plank on which safety can be secured should he not be willing to place her on that, and see her safe at all hazards to himself? But there may be more implied in this than that a man is to toil, and even to lay down his life for the welfare of his wife.  Christ laid down his life to save the church; and a husband should feel that it should be one great object of his life to promote the salvation of his wife.  He is bound so to live as not to interfere with her salvation, but so as to promote it in every way possible.  He is to furnish her all the 'facilities' that she may need, to enable her to attend on the worship of God; and to throw no obstacles in her way.  He is to set her the example; to counsel her if she needs counsel, and to make the path of salvation as easy for her as possible.  If a husband has the spirit and self-denial of the Savior, he will regard no sacrifice too great if he may promote the salvation of his family.  - Albert Barnes

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Every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress(Matt 5:32).  The compact of marriage is a matter of such sacredness that it is not nullified even by separation.  For if a wife marries while her husband is still alive, even if he has left her, she commits adultery, and he who left her is the cause of this evil.  I wonder, however, whether, just as one can renounce an adulterous wife, it is also impossible to marry another when one has renounced her.  Holy Scripture makes this a difficult problem since the apostle says, on the authority of the Lord, that a woman should not leave her husband; but that if she does so, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.  Yet she should not in any case leave her husband and remain unmarried unless he is an adulterer;  for by leaving him she might cause one who was not an adulterer before to commit adultery (Matt 5:32).  Still, if she cannot exercise continence, she may properly be reconciled to her husband if she puts up with him or if he changes his ways.  But I do not see how a man could be allowed to marry another when he has left an adulterous wife since a woman is not allowed to marry another man if she leaves an adulterous husband.  Since this is so, the bond of fellowship between the spouses is so strong that although they are joined together for the sake of begetting children, this bond is not to be broken in order to beget them.  A man might divorce a barren woman and marry a woman who would bear him children, but this is not allowed.  And in our time Roman custom forbids having more than one living wife by taking an additional wife.  To be sure, if a man or a woman were to abandon an adulterous spouse and marry another, more children would be produced.  But since the divine rule seems to forbid this, it makes very clear the strength of the marriage bond.  I do not think that it could ever have such great force unless there were attached to it the sacral power of something greater than this weak mortality of ours, a bond which, although people abandon it and desire to nullify it, still remains unshaken and able to bring them punishment.

Augustine of Hippo

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...God establishes a rule of life by which you can live together in wedlock:  'Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives' (Col. 3:18,19).  With your marriage you are founding a home.  That needs a rule of life, and this rule of life is so important that God establishes it himself, because without it everything would be out of joint.  You may order your home as you like, except in one thing: the wife is to be subject to her husband and the husband is to love his wife.

 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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God makes your marriage indissoluble, "What therefore God has joined together let no man put asunder" (Matt. 19:6)  God joins you together in marriage; it is his act, not yours.  Do not confound your love for one another with God.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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 In other words, Jesus came not only to fulfill the law in his own work, he came to take his people to a radical understanding of the law and a radical obedience to the law that is not based on law but on himself, and therefore reflects the fullness of what God wills for us - and especially reflects the gospel, the covenant-keeping work of Christ at Calvary for his church.  Marriage among Christians is mainly meant to tell the truth about the gospel - that Christ died for his church who loves him and never breaks his covenant with his bride.

In essence, Jesus says, 'You have heard that it was said, 'You are permitted to divorce.'  But I say to you, 'I have come to conquer the hardness of your heart.  I have come to die for your sins.  I have come to count you as righteous.  I have come to show you the drama that marriage was meant to represent in my sacrificial, covenant-keeping love for my sinful bride.  I have come to give you the power to stay married, or to stay single, so that either way you keep your promises and show what my covenant is like and how sacred is the covenant bond of marriage.

 John Piper

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Marriage is more than your love for each other. …In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind.  Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal - it is a status, and office.  Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is the marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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On Divorce: …Clearly Jesus sees a tension between Deuteronomy 24 and Genesis 1-2.  The but at the beginning of verse 6 ('But from the beginning of Creation…') means: God's will about divorce in Genesis 1-2 is not the same as his will expressed in Deuteronomy 24.  So the question is:  Which way will Jesus go?  Will he say, 'Well, there is still hardness of heart today, even in my disciples, and so Deuteronomy expresses God's will for my followers today'?  Or will he say, "I am the Messiah, the Christ.  The Son of Man has come into the world to gather a people who by faith in him and union with him display the true meaning of marriage in the way they keep their marriage covenant'?  Will the emphasis fall on the fact that in the church there is still hardness of heart, or will the emphasis fall on the fact that the old has passed away and the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17)?

John Piper

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"Be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives." If you didn't care about the Bible, you might say, "Submission has to mean taking a husband the way he is and not trying to change him."  But if you believe what the Bible says, you conclude that submission, paradoxically, is sometimes a strategy for changing him.

John Piper

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Jesus does not enjoin his disciples to marry, but he does sanctify marriage according to the law by affirming its indissolubility and by prohibiting the innocent party from remarrying when the guilty partner has broken the marriage by adultery.  This prohibition liberates marriage from selfish, evil desire, and consecrates it to the service of love, which is possible only in a life of discipleship.  Jesus does not depreciate the body and its natural instincts, but he does condemn the unbelief which is so often latent in its desires…Even our bodies belong to Christ and have their part in the life of discipleship, for they are members of his Body.

  

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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STAYING SINGLE TO SHOW THE TRUTH.

Keep your marriage vows in such a way as to tell the truth about the unbreakable covenant love of Christ.  But to close this chapter, I want to emphasize that what Jesus says here in Mark 10:10-12 is incredibly good news - even to those who have been divorced and are remarried.  Here's why:  Jesus says, 'Don't divorce your spouse and marry someone else.  If you do, you've committed adultery."  Why is it adultery?  Ultimately, it is adultery because it betrays the truth about Christ that marriage is meant to display.  Jesus never, never does that to his bride, the church.  He never forsakes her.  He never abandons her.  He never abuses her.  He always loves her.  He always takes her back when she wanders.  He always is patient with her.  He always cares for her and provides for her and protects her and, wonder of wonders, delights in her.  And you - you who are married once, married five times, married never - if you repent and trust Christ - receive him as the Treasure who bore your punishment and became your righteousness - you are in the bride. And this is how he relates to you. ….The radical call of Jesus never to divorce and remarry is a declaration of the gospel by which people who have failed may be saved.  If  Christ were not this way, we would all be undone.  But this is how true, how faithful, how forgiving he is.  Therefore, we are saved.

John Piper

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One of the emphases so far in this book has been that staying married is not mainly about staying in love, but about keeping covenant.  We did eventually come around to saying that precisely by this unwavering covenant-keeping the possibility of being profoundly in love in forty years is much greater than if you think the task of marriage is first staying in love.  Keeping first things first makes second things better.  Staying in love isn't the first task of marriage.  It is a happy overflow of covenant-keeping for Christ's sake.

- John Piper

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When Christ divorces we may....…if Christ ever abandons and discards his church, then a man may divorce his wife.  And if the blood-bought church, under the new covenant, ever ceases to be the bride of Christ, then a wife may legitimately divorce her husband.  But as long as Christ keeps his covenant with the church, and as long as the church, by the omnipotent grace of God, remains the chosen people of Christ, then the very meaning of marriage will include: What God has joined, only God can separate.

 

John Piper

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It is not enough to say, 'Serve one another.' That is true of Christ and his church - they serve each other.  But they do not serve each other in all the same ways.  Christ is Christ.  We are the church.  To confuse the distinctions would be doctrinally and spiritually devastating.  So also the man is the Christ-portraying husband, and the woman is the church portraying wife.  And to confuse these God-intended distinctions, or to abandon them, results in more disillusionment and more divorce and more devastation.  

One of the things that is crystal-clear in Ephesians 5 is that the roles of husband and wife in marriage are not arbitrarily assigned, and they are not reversible any more than the role of Christ and the church are reversible.  The roles of husband and wife are rooted in the distinctive roles of Christ and his church.  The revelation of this mystery is the recovery of the original intention of covenant marriage in the Garden of Eden. 

You can see this more clearly when you ponder what sin did to headship and submission and how Paul's teaching here in Ephesians 5 is so perfectly suited to remedy that corruption.  When sin entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage not because it brought headship and submission into existence, but because it twisted man's humble loving headship toward hostile domination in some men and lazy indifference in others.  And it twisted woman's intelligent, willing, happy, creative, articulate submission toward manipulative obsequiousness in some women and brazen insubordination in others.  Sin didn't create headship and submission; it ruined them and distorted them and made them ugly and destructive.

Now if this is true, then the redemption we anticipate with the coming of Christ is not the dismantling of the original, created order of loving headship and willing submission, but a recovery of it from the ravages of sin.  And that's exactly what we find in Ephesians 5:21-33, Wives, let your fallen submission be redeemed by modeling it after God's intention for the church!  Husbands, let your fallen headship be redeemed by modeling it after God's intention for Christ!

John Piper